A Super-Easy Positive Intervention October 28, 2009
From hearing to seeing to speaking. Assume much?
Aim: To become more mindful of everyday language, to create meaning.
Point: What we know of positive psychology is that other people matter. <roll eyes here>. Certainly, these words have been overused so much so, they’re becoming empty. Other words we use are empty, too. For example, when someone asks, “How are you?” answers like “fine” and “good” do not have significant meaning. The argument can be made that the question has no meaning either.
Challenge: To be as specific as you can be when someone asks you, “How are you?”. Really think about yourself—in that moment—and try to find a more revealing word to suggest how you feel. Scan your body. Try to get out of your head. Look at how many words you can choose from, click here.
And: When you ask someone the same question, show them you really care to know the answer.
Hypothesized Outcomes: Just like any positive intervention, this simple one can help us become more aware of the words we use – that we have choices – and that one is not specific enough to capture what we mean, we can always develop new ones. This intervention may increase the quality of connections between people and may even have spillover into other domains of our lives where language is crucial.
Take a look at this great article to show how the brain converts from thought to speech in just half a second: click here.
I’m eager to know how you do with this, what you notice, and how you feel. Please email me at let me know!
“How are you?”, “Fine”, “Good” are mostly said out of courtesy, as we tend to hear them often and they get stuck in our heads. It is just like going into work and saying “good morning” to the security guard, co-worker — you tend to do it out of courtesy. I think the meaning comes from the tone that you use. If you say any word/phrase without excitement, sadness or any other feeling behind it, it is not engaging and produces no reaction from the person receiving/hearing it.
For example, reading a story to a child in a monotone way will make it boring. However, reading the story in different tones and voices and effects will make the story more engaging and entertaining.
I’m not sure how you can answer “I’m sad” to a “how are you?” and making the “I’m sad” sound ‘positive.’ Unless the getting a reaction received to the “I’m sad” is the positive?
Thanks for your note, Roberto. I agree with you on the courtesy part. But are we really being courteous if we don’t care to really know? I think before change in the intonation can happen (which I agree is important) we first need to get clear that we care for the response of the person to whom we pose the question. This takes some careful and intentional introspection.
The “I’m sad” doesn’t need to sound positive. Nothing needs to sound positive, but authentic and transparent instead…letting people “see” us.
Does this resonate with you? Anyone out there? (Is anyone out there??)
Louis